A long time ago, in a journal far, far away, an intrepid urologist ran a contest I cannot name for copyright reasons. It did, however, ask for medically relevant relapses od old and familiar works of art. I won a few, lost some, been baffled occassionally (I still cannot fathom why, in a contest of medical remakes of nursery rhymes, this one of mine won:

As I was going to St Ives

I met a man with seven wives

All on their way to Inverness

To find a cure for PMS

and this one did not:

Little Miss Moffet

Sat on a tuffet

Eating her curds and whey.

A member of PETA

proceeded to beat her

Till constables took him away.

But I digress…)

Well, here is a trial balloon, may it not come down with plumbism:

Much of the Monty Python oeuvre is already medically relevant, Graham Chapman having been a member of the tribe (“My brain hurts!” — “It will have to come out!”, or: “YOu haven’t got a womb! Where’s the fetus going to gestate, in a box?”). Let us, however, attempt to remedicate a Monty Python skit that lacked that healing touch. I have some humble examples here:

“…but other that blood typing, Xrays, TB diagnosis, Billroth I and II, sulfa and salvarsan — what else have the Germans done for us?”

…”We are veritably crawling with bacteria here…

-Salmonella?

-uh, no…

Shigella?

Fresh out…

Staph Aureus?

died yesterday.

MRSA, too?

Afraid so.

What! MRSA is the most resistant bug in the world, how did you manage to kill ot off?

Lab tech dropped the dish, sir…”

Entries may be submitted as comments; all will earn my undying gratitude, and winners the same, double. Enjoy!